I feel almost content today....
Poor husband has been ill in the night, nothing major and he'll be ok. I've been looking after him and that has switched a light bulb on, I'm needed! I can care for someone and it stops me looking inwards. You could say I feel content, well almost. Interesting how caring for someone makes you feel better.
Babysitting grandson comes next, it's impossible not to smile when you have a cuddly, bubbly, noisy 11 month old in your arms. My grandson is great he makes me smile which helps me mentally greatly. It's the nurturing part than seems to increase serotonin levels. But I'm wary, not because my grandson isn't worth it, he is. Its that nurturing my family as lead to me being ill before, whereby I'm overwhelmed it, scared and oppressed. Families can do this to you; families are your first port of call for support but can also be the reason support is needed. Sometimes it's easier to seek help else where, you don't want to upset anyone but you always do. It's a vicious circle of the overwhelming family being upset because you sort support outside the family which in turn continues your upset. I love my family though I need them to know it, but I also need them to understand sometimes the sheer volume of all of them scares me snd makes me retreat back upstairs to hide under the covers.
I'm hiding now as I write this, husband next to me. But I'm starting to feel better, this depressive episode has hopefully reached it's height. I will have positive things to say in future, about myself, about my day, about everything. Nothing lasts forever even a murky murk.
No comments:
Post a Comment