Still in bed at 12.43 pm GMT
The worse thing about feeling the way I do is that I'm either very sleepy or can't sleep st all. It's the worry going around like the proverbial windmills, the what ifs the must remembers. Then I get hit by the exhausted big sleep in which I can sleep for up to 15 hours, only to be woken by a worried husband.
I should be back to work today it being the first Monday after the Christmas break. I'm still on a sick note from my GP, I don't feel anywhere near really to go back to wotk yet. My job is very full on, it's working with people and you have to well in your mind to cope with it all. I'm going to get up in a minute and make sourdough breadsticks for my grandson, and then cook a stew for the evening meal. I still find it hard to concentrate on tasks such as cooking and baking, relatively easy tasks which when I'm not depressed I find calming.
The black black cannonball lies heavy on my chest dragging me down today, I feel very low, I'm going to hide from the family because I can't cope with the noise. It's so sad I can't cope with all, I love them so much, but I have to protect myself and them from myself and the pit I feel in today. They all understand how I'm feeling and know that it isn't a reflect on them.
This grey, gloaming January day is shitty, the grey cloaks me, the cannonball sits there, I need a good shake.....
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