education has it's benefits.

I have a degree you know...

Back in 1999 when NATO was bombing the hell out of Serbia, my husband was working his last year out in the British army. I was also in the grip of what the GP called postnatal depression,  my youngest child a boy was 16 months old at the time,  we had moved house and taken on a mortage the previous year, my beloved Gran had died 6 months before. I was alone in a new town, far from family, had no friends to speak of and husband was working 20 hour shifts to make sure those bombs got delivered. Is it any wonder I was in the middle of a depressive episode! 

This time the doctor put me on the antidepressant citalpram, http://www.patient.co.uk/medicine/citalopram-cipramil-paxoran and during one visit to his office I had had to take all 4 of my children (ages 7 to 1 years) he told me I was an intelligent woman but very overwhelmed with my responsibilities. What do you mean? I asked, the doctor explained that depression often hits those who are high achieving, clever but also find their coping mechanisms lacking. I was overwhelmed alright, I was grieving my Gran, worrying about my husband,  worrying about the world in general. Ok I admit it I couldn't sleep with worry about the Balkans, I was obsessive, and on the verge of being delusional. I was very ill. Then the doctor suggested the Open University. He said to get better I needed something for me, and 4 children and a house to run wasn't enough, it wasn't something for me alone. I went out thinking, ok yeah like I've got time for that!

But the antidepressants kicked in, I began to feel better, the worry about the situation in the Balkans seemed silly, (though of course not silly to those who lived there), husband finished up his last stint in the army, my youngest 2 children grew a bit and slept through the night. I still grieved for and missed my beloved Gran, but I had my coping mechanisms back, these antidepressants worked! So I remembered what the doctor said and applied to read social science at the Open University http://www.open.ac.uk it's a great way to distance learn, with regular tutorials, tutors who are only a phonecall a while and you study at your own pace. I did a Bsc in 6 years rather than the normal 3 years. I'm proud to have letters after my name Bsc (hons) and like the doctor said it was all mine, something for me. I also made 2 wonderful friends who I'm still close to 15 years later. And yes that depressive episode lifted. 

So in short maybe I need to look back at myself 15/16 years and revisit what the doctor said. The same overwhelming feeling I had back then is here now, but what to do.....